Introspection

Introspection

As anyone that really knows me may recall, growing up I was quite the bookworm. My family circumstances being what they were, I always escaped into the fantasy of books. I would read incessantly, my little brother constantly bugging me and nagging me to play with him, while I could scarcely pull my nose out of a book. My brother and I fought terribly because of this and my Grandmother even went so far as to ground me from my books on occasion, stating that it was not natural and that I needed to be more social. And though to this point I have always felt that I was this way at an early age to escape the ugliness and gross circumstance of my childhood, upon further reflection I find that rather I was actually looking to something greater, towards my future.

I was rather fond of reading classics, all of them really, but in particular Jane Austen was my favorite author of all. I must have read her books over twenty times in my life, and still do almost once every year (yes every one of them). Today, I reread Pride and Prejudice and came to an astounding realization (at least to me it was, though many of you may find it dull and uninteresting, but no matter, I shall relate it nonetheless).

Jane Austen was an amazing writer. Her books are of course filled with fanciful stories of love, wealth, great dances, beautifully described gowns, homes and landscapes, enough to incite the day dreaming of any young girl. But more than that, the subject of her stories I think is what most endears them to me. The depth in her characters I have found unequaled in all of my days, and the complexity of the relationships between those characters is unparalleled. All of her stories revolve around a heroine that is strong, opinionated, educated, and unaffected. They are from lower circumstances; yet possess the depth of character to lend them into the highest society in Europe. They possess true morality. And though they are of lower station, and women in times when women were scarcely more than dolls in fanciful dresses bred to be good wives for the men that cared for them, little more than property really. Women of that time were taught the arts, music, drawing, proper etiquette, nothing of more intellectual prowess was desired by most. Yet her heroines were always above this mundane existence. And because of their difference among the women of their time, often stood out and made for themselves the most excellent of matches (in husbands of course), and thereby secured for themselves an even better life than they could have ever hoped for.

Beautiful and strong, the heroines of Jane Austen's books I believe have had a profound impact on who I am. I was lacking in any true parental figure or motivator growing up. And just as everybody loves a story of an underdog who makes good in the World, and rises to success, those underdogs need some sort of stimulant to start the ball rolling. In the same respect, I think these stories gave me hope and inspiration for my own life. They helped instill in me that if I educated myself and always possessed courage of my own convictions that I would find myself in a better place in this World, in the right place, where I belonged and would be happy. And I do believe that she was right.

Oh, if only Jane Austen or some great heir of hers were yet alive that I could thank for this utmost gift. She and her beautiful stories have instilled within me a true sense of worth and purpose. In the realization that by simply reading a few books when I was a young girl, that I found a mother, a friend, and a true role model for what women should be, even if they were fictitious, I am so astoundingly grateful. I never realized that this was why I loved her novels so much, but I am not sorry for this realization. Though some may think how pitiful it may be that I have found my inspiration in mere written words, instead of from a real person, I would remind them that I did not have the best of women in my life to look up to, and had I followed their examples, I certainly would not be anything like the woman I am today and doubt that many would like that woman that I would have become. I think it is stunning that within my own unwitting conscience, in the face of only licentious dominion, that I found any source of positive propagation at all.

So, if you have a daughter, when she is young, I highly encourage you to have her read Pride and Prejudice, followed by Wuthering Heights, and by the end of those two she will surely want to read all of the rest..and as for me, if any of you really want to know the story behind me, part of the inspiration for who I am and have become, I recommend reading these books. Meanwhile, like the heroines of these tales, I shall continue my studies and one day unexpectedly I will find that extraordinary gentleman that will make me the happiest woman alive, the man that will find my wit and mind, as well as my beauty, more enchanting than he can check despite any misgivings on my family station. Isn't that what dreams are made of? I believe in dreams. A saying, "laugh often, love deeply, dream always."

Luv, Lates,

Audrey